Thursday, April 22, 2004

...unity, jazz, cynicism and barrique wine

Dear Visitor,

You might hastily think that (after)life in Valhalla, as people would know it, is an endless string of quaffs and horror video sing-alongs, therefore, pretty boring for an in-tuh-lec-tewal in-duh-vee-dual (no way search engines would spot this!) -- au contraire, Valhalla moves with the times, and just last night we had a refreshing taste of what an enlightened ex-norse warrior could do on their free time (which, believe me, friends, they have a lot of, now being unburdened from the constant need for ravishing villages, looting, and etcetera, in short, things a proper norse warrior should be doing... pretty much it's in the job description). Well, what about a gig by graduating students from the jazz conservatory? Check! What about great barrique'd red wine (bleuport, as far as I can recall) and a great conversation while the abovementioned music plays? Check! What about delicious stuffed aubergine? Check! What about way-over-the-top salty green pasta with salmon? Er... alas, check. What about a nice old warrior going around between the tables offering pretty roses to surprise our significant others (and others, too)? Check! (Also check the courtesy of him conjuring up a vase to hold all the roses...)

Sounds tasty, right?

Rrrraoorrright!

I won't bore you with the details, all was great (except for the cook evidently in love -- check the salty pasta, but truth to be told after a brief slurry they brought out another plate which was at last well within the acceptable levels of natrium chloride), but what was even more important that I had the privilege to spend last night in the company of my big sister, her husband, and my ex-flame from Russia (please, no bloody James Bond references!). And what a company it is! Gliding from one topic to another concerning arts (namely secession), psychology, Moscow, Budapest, movies, spiritualism, and all-around jolly topics.

So, there are actually two special thoughts for tonight. (As solid reminders of what happens when one gets too much of a good thing -- this case alcohol dissolved in a barrique'd wine -- and not enough of another, but infinitely more useful thing -- that is, self-restraint.) One: just in theory, what would happen if true ocumenism took hold and there would be a designated time once in a month -- universal, ie. it could be 2am somewhere and 1pm elsewhere, the key thing here is synchronicity -- when everyone stopped what they were doing (like at 2am, probably sleeping...), and got down to a mere 5 minutes of praying... for the survival and betterment of humanity. Now, if you've ever been to a service (that is, a sermon, a mass, or whatever it is called) where a lot of people huddled together and prayed in that low, whisper-like voice at the same time, somehow creating a roar, you might have an idea that there is such a thing as spiritual power... And it is a thing that not just adds up when done simultaneously by a lot of people, it actually tends to rise exponentially.

Now, for a brief moment, imagine what a tremendous amount of spiritual energy could be summoned if, say, 2 billion people would be praying at the same time...

Earth would shine like a supernova in the spiritual world.

And you know, the key is not whom or what you worship, or what you believe in, the only thing that matters is to have an open heart and mind and faith in something or someone. And a common goal. Nothing too specific, mind you, just something very simple and common, something which all this bickering heap'o'organic-matter could agree on.

I think this world would be a better place even after the first such session.

...Oookay, that brings us to the second thing I'd like to discuss here. So, as you might imagine, I shared the thoughts above with my compadrés. And my sister -- a true atheist -- tried to quench my soaring ideas with grade-A, class 1 cynicism. Well, this is what I have to say about cynicism: too bad for those immersed in it.

Let me take an example: Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Now, most people hold the mental image of him being a true cynic, with what all his books reeking of intelligent, but essentially, dark and brooding humour. Well, guess what: they're wrong. If you ever read any of his books, and still have a beating heart, you've certainly felt a strong compassion towards all things human radiating from his writings. With a lot of wit, black humour, and the necessary amount of ridicule, of course -- his trademark style. Now, that's called irony. Not cynicism. People often confuse the two, but you, my dear friends, should never make that mistake. Cynics are just spoiled romantics. But hey, expect too much from any human being, and you're certain to get disillusioned, if not instantly, then sometime later. (Which just serves to prove the point that there is such a scheme of having too much of a good thing might, after reaching a pivotal critical mass, lead to a straight reverse of the very same thing -- just think of Long Island Ice Tea coctails, the sudden burst of jolly spirits are very sure to quickly end in a lonely bathroom doing a technicolor impression of "Ralph the smelly bastard".)

But, irony is something of a wonderful trait of true humanists. See, cynicism always attacks its target, ridiculing one or other shortcoming of a person or a thing or a rule, even, but does it with all the warmth and compassion of an ice-cream truck stranded in outer space. Obviously, such arrogance happens only if you're a bastard god or a very-very ignorant and oblivious person. (We have a lot of the former here in Valhalla, but you're sure to find the latter in any given high school starting from sophomore or junior class.) If you spill love into the mix, meaning, yes, humanity has a lot of irritating and stupid traits, but hey, we are humans after all, and we're also prone to commit the same mistakes in given circumstances, however, you laugh at them but also with them. And if you've seen a lot, and learned a lot, you learn to love the mistakes as well... and thus become an ironic.

Whoops, rather long-winding sentences, right? But you get the meaning... And anyways, of course my sister was only acting up, she's really warm at heart, right, sis? All this cynicism was only a ruse.

Well, that wraps it up for tonight. I'm off to take a well deserved holiday in Paris, but will be joining you in a week's time or so. Keep in touch...

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

...lightning bolts and ambulance sirens

OK, you are right, I entirely forgot to offer an explanation about the opening post's title, so I owe you one (so what, you can't catch me). All right, here it is.

Question: how do you ruin a perfect day?

Well, there is a multitude of solutions for that question. For example, just take in a classic Woody Allen movie, and you already grabbed a handful. But, as you could guess, this is my blog, so I'll offer up some ways, then.

Method #1: Go swimming with your girlfriend, only to find the only capable sports swimming pool in ole Valhalla is under a bit of (re)construction, therefore having to share its only indoor pool between the professional swimmers (aka "Fastlane") and the occasional, if frequent, hobbyists (aka "Golden Girls"). Things such as this are bound to cause a few raised eyebrows (swimming cap and goggles allowing), more than a few swearwords, heavy muscular straining (for such stinky little overachievers as your humble guide to all affairs valhallan) and rarely some black-blue bruises stemming from swimming accidents related to a combination of different speeds and speedy indifference. In our case, we swiftly realized we won't be able to swim our regular 40 laps (being able to choose between extremely low speed (due to pensioner grannies' mockery of swimming), extremely high speed (guess what, "Fastlaners"), and regular speed and thus a long and exhausting match of dodging and overtaking other swimmers -- or them dodging and overtaking us), I told my sweetie to cut the laps to 20 and be over with the whole ordeal quickly. She agreed. So we swam on, and the whole mess was clearing up a bit (people leaving), so I decided to cut it back only to 30... And when I was swimming my 24th lap, she appeared on the sides and asked when I'm getting out... Then I told her about the 30 laps... And then she charged off looking very hurt and annoyed. OK, so what's the deal? I'm off to the sauna to sweat some capable poisons out of my system, only to be poisoned by her stiff arrogance some more... Well, girls out there, is it worth falling out with your boyfriend because of... ten bloody minutes? Whoosh, day ruined. (To be honest, actually, we made up about 15 minutes later... and behold, the day was no longer ruined. But it could have been! Ahem...)

Method #2: Have Thor et al conduct a trying weather experiment. Set off the day sunny and balmy and hot, and then, out of the blue, import a nice big storm template to your Weather.dat file and kebang! enter lightning strikes and no sooner than you could say 'Blitzkrieg' the ambulance sirens sound off and you suddenly start worrying about your computer at home, left turned on and all (eMule grabbing some nifty episodes of Stargate...), but only after 3 very sweaty seconds do you realize that a month ago you bought your facsimile of SurgeArrest... And then you remember you organised a drinking bender for tonight at an open-air watering hole... And then you can't take more and collapse, reduced to a sniveling heap of rag in the middle of the creative room, ready to swear at the Nordic gods, only to realize that you're on a first-name basis with them.

Tomorrow suddenly looks verrrry intriguing!

Method #3: Waste your time writing blogs when you have a well-paying private work to be done... On a schedule... With a multitude of bugs waiting to be fixed... Not even mentioning your 'official' work...

Well, kids, daddy Andy is off to make some dough! Checking back tomorrow...

A brand new day with lightning bolts and ambulance sirens

Soooo... There's a beginning to everything (however, I am ready to discuss the possibility that there is no such thing as a beginning or an end as the whole thing takes place on the same ring of changes etc etc now hand me my beer you twit-faced scholar and crack the volume up on the telly set cuz I can't hear what Wesley's saying to his now-ex g/f turned eldritch goddess with blue hair...), and as things stand, this is the beginning of my blog.

But why?

You keep a low profile, you date chicks, you break up with said chicks, you have your share of blissful ignorance and your elusive thoughts about the afterlife (or beforelife, depending on the dimension you choose to dwell in), smoking your occasional herbs and suchlike, and wham!, a whole new idea grows out of the ground, and before you know any better, most of your online buddies are sharing their thoughts (or lies, or whatever they wish to share) on these... ahem... blogs. (Now, blogs... Bee ell oh gee... Sounds kinda funny, ain't it? Like an old 2-pass engine from an antediluvian Trabant.) So, even when radioing in from the Valhalla (you just can't imagine the costs of a broadband connection from one realm of existence to another), I felt compelled to start sharing my twisted little thoughts here.

So what gives?

Enjoy.